Quotes & Jokes for Wedding Speeches

Are you short of material for your upcoming wedding speech? Not sure how to add in some humor or think of some heartfelt words? Can't think of any entertaining stories that are appropriate?

Well here are some great examples of quotes and jokes for you to include in your speech. Sometimes it's much easier to incorporate something pre-written rather than trying to write everything from scratch.

Quotes - from women about men

'Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage he'll fall asleep before you have finished saying it.'

•  Helen Rowland

'Every woman has two husbands: the one she is given and the one she creates'

•  Unknown

'An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.'

•  Agatha Christie

'Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince'

•  Unknown

Quotes - from men about women

'Woman like silent men, they think they are listening.'

•  Marcel Achard

'A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.'

•  Unknown

Jokes / One-liners

'Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock'

'It is said that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage - it is love - after marriage it is self-defence.'

'Having a happy marriage involves some give and take - the husband gives and the wife takes.'

'When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.'

'A man placed an ad in the classifieds stating: "Wife wanted". The next day he received over one hundred letters all saying the same thing: "You can have mine."

Having a funny opening line and/or closing line can really add impact to your wedding speech. At the beginning of a speech you want to grab the audience's attention and at the end you want to leave them wanting more. So adding a humorous quote or joke can make your job a bit easier rather than trying to think of something new and original from your own head.

Another way to make your wedding speech easier is working from a pre-written speech. These provide you with an entire speech already written and you can adapt it to suit you. It gives you a template of how to structure your speech as well as plenty of content that you can pick and choose from.